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Posted by Omar Mendez on

Journal Entry - 6/9/24

Foo one recurring theme this past month has been “anger”. I’ve never been one to show anger. It used to only appear when I was blackout drunk. There were a couple of times where I was angry and showed it but that was when I was younger. I used to hide that anger and act like nothing was bothering me. I would try to counteract all the pain by being a workaholic and trying to prove to the world like “Yeah, it don’t matter cuz I’m winning”. Or I would cop a 40 and smoke bud. I’ve been angry for so long, I’ve become silent. I rather be alone working on my art. If you ever saw me out in the street and took a look at my face, you could see it. That’s how I look now. 

I know that anger exists in the low frequencies. I feel like I’m going through moments of clarity and purging right now. It’s like my soul knows and wants to elevate, but I have deal with the anger. That is why these moments keep repeating. I get it dawg, some foos won’t believe me because they see me laughing all the time. I laugh for medicine. I try to make others laugh because I know how deep the darkness goes. I don’t want people to suffer how I suffer. I do suffer in silence. ANHEL asked me one time, “Who do you talk to?” and I told him "Nobody". Nobody gets to hear and see the whole picture. I let nobody in completely.

I understand now that my anger comes from comparisons. “I want what they have.'' I think to myself consciously or unconsciously. Every day that goes by and I don’t have it, the void gets deeper. The deeper the void, the stronger the anger. It’s weird to explain because I’m just learning about this part of myself. Foo maybe that’s why my favorite character has always been The Hulk.




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